I know we're moving fast

We're running from the past

I'm holding on before it fades away

========================

i never had the urge to scream like fuck really loudly out my heart, till i met the past week.
maybe i felt it coming out of my throat cos i was really trying to express myself but i realised i was in a classroom context so i did not.

really, whats worse?
feeling the sense of detachment from the people who you loved to death
or being bruised both physically and mentally because of all the things swarming inside?

the worST ;
would probably to have both happen simultaneously and create a new concoction of agony.

its peculiar how people say, whatever you read comes bouncing back to you like a ball.
because earlier this week i read suzanne tze's article on the difference of being alone & lonely.
and throughout this entire week, i was surrounded with people, talking to me, laughing with me
but at some point i just wanted to walk straight out alone to a clean white beach in the night, count the stars, and let the wind ruffle my curlywurly hair with my orange hair band on with the smell of the salt permeating my nose making me want to stay longer and longer.


all this alone, cos i feel so clustered like an ixora on the leaf.
i am not an anti-social person. god i know.
maybe its the fact that i have not been depressed for so long?
and the novels i've been reading so far (tuesdays with morrie) have been so awe-inspiring
yet heartbreaking.

i don't know any of the answers, i want to know.
india seems like my little escapade. is it really?


thank maya :) xoxo.